People say that power corrupts and I take issue with the simplification. “Power” (i.e. the ability to influence another’s life, in this instance) in itself doesn’t corrupt, but the realities that come with it sometimes do. Influence distances you from others (this is often worded as “it’s lonely at the top”), the distance creates alienation, and if you’re not careful, it erodes empathy. That’s the danger zone.

We’re sold on the role of the leader or power broker and how amazing it is to be in control. I love being CEO but there are elements of the job that are grating and problematic and must be managed. One of the most problematic elements is people management at scale. Early teams may be bound by personal relationships and a shared sense of mission but scaling cannot (and shouldn’t) create a homogenous team. By your 100th employee you have a decent chance of hiring someone who grows to dislike you, someone who’s a “coaster”, maybe a psychopath. You’ll hire a bunch of people who have different motivations, are in a different spot in their career, or are just different than you. You’ll need to fire people. You’ll face criticism that may feel deeply unfair. You’ll also hire amazing people that will do incredible things but for type-A people who become CEOs it’s the criticism that registers the most.

All in all pretty stressful if you can’t handle it.

Some try to deal by referring to their team as a “family”. That’s deeply wrong because the word “family” implies a level of commitment that doesn’t exist in companies. You don’t fire a family member and they don’t leave you. You don’t negotiate base pay with your uncle. Thinking of your team as a family creates unreasonable expectations that are bound to disappoint.

The more common way is to be jaded, feel betrayed, decide that employees “just don’t get it.” That’s the alienation that leads to eroded empathy. Thinking of people like chess pieces. It’s arguably a natural response based on research telling us that our frame of human reference can hardly encompass more than 50 people, but it’s also the wrong sentiment and must be resisted vigorously.

We have to hold on to empathy. You can partly manage this issue by thinking of your public self as a separate persona (I sometimes do) but at the end of the day you must accept that having influence over others opens you up to be influenced by them. It’s a two way street. My old martial arts Sensei used to say that people think of strength as not being dependent on anyone, but “We weaken ourselves by accepting our dependency on others and their dependency on us. That is true power.” I like this sentiment. Holding on to empathy is crucial. It’s also easier when you take care of yourself and have a support network that keeps you grounded.