A few years ago one of my HR people suggested that I start having small CEO dinners with teams as a way to get to know people, talk about the company, and create another forum to exchange ideas. I liked the idea immediately. Earlier this year I also ran across this story about Greg Popovich and how he uses dinners for team building. It all made sense: eating is a communal activity and connecting around a shared meal is human nature (though we go to a reasonably priced tapas place in SF, not a Michelin-starred restaurant).

Since I’m not much of a smalltalk aficionado I had to find a structure that worked for me, and I settled on personal histories. Each participant (these are usually very small events of up to 6 people including me) spends some time talking about their personal history, in as much detail as they would like, and answer questions from others if they’re open to them. I’ve listened to some incredible life stories and perspectives this way and even more than they helped my team connect with me, CEO dinners helped me connect with my team beyond the 150 person point, one that have I never crossed before as CEO.

I found that most people have a really hard time talking about themselves, even if they desperately want to share. I also found the people’s stories change as they attend more dinners, either because they highlight different aspects of who they are, or because they’re more comfortable sharing. I’ve had to learn to ask questions in a non-intrusive and empathetic, genuinely curious way, to get people to open up. It helps that I really like these people but it didn’t happen by itself. Naturally I also put my foot in my mouth several times with ill-timed questions. It’s a process.

Having small-forum CEO dinners that people choose to attend, and learning how to ask people questions became an important way for me to connect with my team, especially as it is growing. I recommend you try it. Just don’t take my usual table at [restaurant name redacted].